“On my second opening night, Al Pacino is sitting in my back row…”

It’s Wednesday morning. The sweetest day of the week. I bounce out of bed with the hope and determination of a prizefighter. Tonight is the night of my one-girl show “Sugar Happens”. It’s hard to believe that my show has been running over a year, every Wednesday night like clockwork.

Like Al Pacino told me “Keep working at it”.

Did I mention Al? My second opening night, unbeknownst to me, Al Pacino was sitting in my back row. The air felt tense that night. I wanted to run off the stage five minutes in…but the tension passed. Thank G-D for The Method. Fifty minutes of exploiting every possible area of my life, sharing every dirty secret about Hollywood and changing my skimpy clothes three times…I made it! Then I had a one-on-one talk with Al. It was a dream come true. He encouraged me, related to me and even said he’d be lucky to work with me”. I’ll never be the same.

Back to 2006…Wednesday night…I run out of my rent control door and head to the gym…fighting the urge run lines in my head but then silently succumbing to the temptation, I know this piece backwards and forwards but I don’t want to take it for granted. I don’t want to take anything for granted.

The Strasberg Institute gives me a precious opportunity every week and I will be prepared. I do a habitual workout, deluding myself that it will have a dramatic effect on my physique in only nine hours. That done, it’s back to my home computer to send show reminders to friends and industry. “See you tonight”!”.

On a good week, when I have the $30., I’ll get a blow-dry. On a bad week, I’ll stick in my hair extensions and pray for the best. I have not become rich on my show.In fact, I haven’t made a dollar. Ah! The purity of art! I make my money doing an array of odd jobs. The insecurity is taxing but makes for great material.

I actually come from a nice middle-class family. My father is even a doctor.  Actually, all my relatives are doctors.I’m the black sheep. I left Boston and my family of doctors for a career in Hollywood. It hasn’t exactly turned-out as I planned it. But as I say in my show, “I’ve been in way more films than the average American”. And I’m still here.

Miracles happen every day. I even talked with “Access Hollywood” today. I’m trying to pitch a story about “Actors trying to make it in solo shows”. Maybe it will fly, Maybe I’ll fill-up my 25-seat theater tonight.

Did I mention I met with Gary Marshall? What a nice guy! I still don’t have an agent. . I find that very weird.My face and bustier covered body look onto Santa Monica Boulevard for all to see. I get lots of press. I love the press.I’ll always give my time to the press. I’ll make them cookies and bring them to their cars as they stake me out. I’ll know their children’s names and birthdays.They’ll of course know mine.

Wake-up Rachel, I’m floating away again.My father recently told me that I live in half-fantasy and half-reality. He’s right. I didn’t even get defensive this time. I’ve been defending my life to my parents for years. They’re actually very supportive. But there is one thing they’ll never understand-that’s my lack of security: a savings account, IRAs, mutual funds, a house, a husband…where is it all?

I say, “Don’t worry, I’ll be okay”, Secretly I panic. Why didn’t I meet a nice Jewish guy on JDate? How did I get off the beaten track? Where is my East Coast sensibility? But then I look at the palm trees, the Hollywood sign, my life and I think: “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be”.

Sugar Happens. That’s the name of my show. Not S—t Happens”. By the way. I’m an optimist if you didn’t notice.

Written by Rachel Bailit