“Ticket To Ride”
Agenda. Seems like everyone’s got one. When a woman approached me in a store about coming to a Hare Krishna center with her, I returned the invite with a postcard to my show. It only seemed right. It was an exchange. If we had no agendas we’d have no motivations and in turn no purpose to our lives.
I have a new headshot. Having a new headshot always makes me feel like I have a new lease on life. As though no other picture in the past really could capture or sell me the way this one will. It’s pure disillusionment. But it makes me feel better.
On my return flight home from Boston last week, I took advantage of the fresh clarity I possessed from being out of Hollywood for a mere four days. I thought long and hard. How much longer can I live in this fantasy world? Days become years. Opportunities to live a broader life that encompasses more than “making it in Hollywood” pass by. It seems that every time I return to LA I purchase a ticket much like one would to Disneyland. Time stops. Everyone else is at the park too. And we get so caught-up with the thrill of the rides, the rise and decent of the roller coasters, the fantasy and charades of the costumes and the darkness of the Haunted House. So like Hollywood. I want to choose another destination. I want a ticket to a destination that’s not the “Happiest place on earth” but maybe the “realest place on earth”. I want to see what’s in the haunted house with me. I want to see who’s in the costumes beside me. I want clarity.
But I’ve bought the ticket. And I’m going to have to finish this particular ride because I’ve paid my admission and until I can find a safe place to get off, I’ll have to just wait.
P.S. New Year’s Eve at Henry Jaglom’s party was exciting. Eclectic people and artists surrounded me. I felt at home. Peter Bogdonovitch was there. He didn’t remember me from “Festival In Cannes”. Oh well. I remembered him. That’s all that matters. You can’t depend on other people to make your life meaningful. It’s your story. Write it well.
Written by Rachel Bailit