You Take The Cake

A milestone. I’ve been writing my diary in this newspaper for one year! Do you think I’ll get a cake? Yum. Hope it’s chocolate.

I am currently on “hold” for a small role on Desperate Housewives”. I’m pretty excited. On “hold” means that I am probably one of two or three Actresses they are deciding between hiring. I feel like a cow at a cattle auction. But I know better then to take it personally. It’s the process of casting, for better or worse.

It seems like lots of people are holding my career in the palms of their hands lately. The theater producer is considering my show, the sales job is deciding whether to employ me, and my future as a “Housewife” is dangling in front of me. My friend gave me some Deepak Chopra “success” cards for my birthday. Today I selected one that seems very appropriate so I’ll share: “It’s up to me to give life meaning—I don’t expect others to give meaning for me. I create my own reality”. How profound is that? Own my life. Stop sitting in people’s sweaty palms. I am so tired of being the victim of other people’s “wishy-washiness”. I don’t have the time. A friend once advised me to learn the meaning of the word “NO”. Sometimes no answer is a “no” disguised. I trust my own vision. I know there is an island of yes’s waiting for me. I just have to find it. In the movie “Million Dollar Baby”, Hilary Swanks character calls it “Risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you”. We all have our own inner maps. I believe in fate but I always believe that we have the option to take the wrong turns.

I now have three part-time jobs. Running from one to the next keeps me very busy. Compared to this, being on stage is like a vacation at a spa. I have one more show at the Whitefire Theater. Then I’ll have to pack-up my truckload of props and furniture and move-on. It’s sort of like being in a traveling circus. I’m the clown, of course. Funny red hair and all.

I did get a college-booking agent. He’s really young. In our initial meeting I wanted to card him before he ordered a drink.

But he seems really hip and “in” with the college entertainment scene. Apparently there’s loads of money to be made. So I’ll be happy and willing to take my circus on the road. Maybe I can hit a few fraternity parties while I’m at it. Once a sorority girl, always a sorority girl. Did I ever mention the time I did “sorority rush” and got rejected by every sorority house? It was a great preparation for Hollywood. I just rushed again and eventually got into one. No one’s going to keep me out. No one’s going to tell me “You can’t enjoy this experience”. Like a sorority, this town has so many locked doors, so many secret passwords, so many rites of passage. And you’re either outside or inside the door. There’s no in between. So keep rushing until you get in or pick a lock or two if you have to. Who said life is fair?

Written by Rachel Bailit