The Bear Within

Another holiday weekend spent in retail prison. Can one night a week on stage sustain me? So far, yes. But I desire a much more balanced and complete life. When you’re poor, money does seem like it buys happiness.

But alas, times are changing! I just got my first paid booking to do my one-girl show at the Whitefire Theater on June 26th. I am very excited! And who knows, maybe a change from West Hollywood to the Valley is just what I need. Different climate.

More smog and heat may bring out the best in me.

I am looking for a money-man (or woman). It seems like the road to Broadway must be paved with dollar bills. How will I do it? Running your own show is expensive. How many times can I reuse my postcards? The “new dates” stickers on top of the “old dates” stickers? A show needs a budget. I’d like to hit on some of my relatives, they’ve offered, but I’m too embarrassed. They’re staunch conservative New Englanders. How will they feel financing a play in which I discuss boobs and sex, not to mention my sometimes dysfunctional family. No. Better to find someone on the outside.

I auditioned for a music video playing opposite Jason Alexander last week. I didn’t get it but I did cry in the audition. Not bad. My heart is accessible. Even for George Costanza.

Back in the Marilyn Monroe Theater this week. We’ve made the finishing touches on the show. It might be time to leave it alone now. The cake is baked. I’m already thinking of my next solo show. After all, this is what I “think” I want to do with the rest of my life. Time’s a wasting. There’s more Rachel then appears before the eye. My Producer friend once said, “You never really know anyone completely”. It’s a startling but beautiful thought. I think everyone should have secrets. It’s important to have a good relationship with yourself. I’m like a bear. I hibernate, nourish myself, and become strong within my own skin. Then I get on stage and let you see what’s inside. Then I become the bear again. And the cycle repeats. It’s called self-preservation.

Written by Rachel Bailit