I asked a B+ Agent to see my show, but he only goes to see baseball games
Sitting at my retail “day job” wishing three hours would mysteriously pass. Money remains a major obstacle in my life…and why I work in a woman’s clothing boutique when I am a total shopaholic is beyond me!
Julia Louise-Dreyfus came in here, to the store, a few days ago..that is two days before she won her coveted Emmy!
She seemed really nice. I wanted to talk to her, tell her about my show, but she was in a rush…probably looking for a dress for the million of after parties she had to go to…the kind I dream about. I wonder what it must feel like to win an award. I’ve walked down quite a few red carpets but don’t have much to show for it except a few pictures on Wire Image.
I feel like such an outsider. I didn’t even watch the Emmys this year. I watched a few minutes of the pre-show but after an eight- hour day of selling clothes…I had no patience. I felt like Cinderella in her old dress watching the stepsisters all dressed-up.
I got a mystery call to audition for a series regular on a new sitcom. I totally sabotaged myself. I saw the competition and decided to pull my hair back to make myself look younger, I ended-up looking like a nun. They probably had seen a picture of “Sugar” in my show, and expected a hot babe to walk-in. Instead I looked like Father Dowling’s sidekick without the habit. My reading was solid. Too bad. Why am I afraid to be myself?
I had another weird experience this week. I met with a B+ Agent. I asked him if he would come see my show. He said he doesn’t go out to see shows –he only goes to see baseball games. When I asked “Don’t you need to se my work?” he replied, “No, I market people, that’s what I do”.
I’ll be signing with him…for now. Oh come-on, it’s TV season. A girl’s gotta get out!
A writer from the BBC. David Willis, came to my show and wants to interview me. Pretty funny, really, since my show felt like “Dawn of the Dead” last week. But not David, bless him and his laughing face. A strange and wonderful phenomenon is occurring. My theater is beginning to fill every week, and I don’t know who any of these people are! I wish they would stay and introduce themselves. I’ve just revealed my entire life to them and it’s a strange feeling knowing that I’ll never see them again. Do they walk away with tiny particles of me? My life is a public one now. I’ve signed-up for this.
I once bought a greeting card that read: “I came to this world to live-out loud”. I’m finally doing it. I feel vulnerable and excited at the same time. How can I possibly feel so happy when the world around me is in a terrible state? Wars are waging and new ones lurk around the corner. I’m scared. Am I making any kind of difference? Can I dish out enough “Sugar” to make a change in the world? Will I rise to the opportunity to make people feel good with my acting? To make people laugh? That would be a worthy goal in life. And maybe it could reach across borders. Countries. It’s easy to be despaired in these times. The world needs Hollywood to make them feel good. Either that or wake them up.
I once heard a quote about art that I fell in love with “Art is comforting the disturbed and disturbing the comfortable”.
Tomorrow night’s another show. Someone from E! Entertainment is coming. How about that?
Written by Rachel Bailit