“Asking for fervent years”

I’m reading “Ask and it is Given”. I’m learning that if I align my thoughts with my desires, a powerful energy will attract them to me. But beware, the same works with negative thoughts. So I have to retrain my mind to only be optimistic, positive and clear. This is tough work. I’ll need a lobotomy.

I’m putting-up all three acts of my one-woman show this week. I’m frightened and excited at the same time. In rehearsal, my mind is playing mental ping-pong with the new material. Sometimes I lose the ball altogether and just sit there wondering what the heck my next thought/line is. I’ve been told that these moments “seem” incredibly deep from the outside. Go figure!

These vacant moments are an Actor’s nightmare.

I have almost 40 pages of single-spaced words in my show. Some sequiturs are as puzzling as a Rubik’s cube to me. But eventually, I always find the connection. Like in life, we need to understand how to navigate our reactions to situations and decide how best to respond. Our script of who we are as people is written in our hearts. Do we stay true to it? Or do we have to read two pilots, 10 features and a 500-page biography just to remember? Sequiturs require faith. When the going gets tough we must remember who we are.

Martin Landau came to our show. He had wonderful tales of Hollywood and encouraged me to audition for the Actor’s studio (for the third time). The first time, I was told my acting style resembled Carol Burnett (not what you want to hear from a “method” establishment). Apparently it took Dustin Hoffman many tries and look at him! We’ll see.

I feel an epiphany coming on from that book “Ask and it is Given”…something good is coming my way. I’ve sacrificed too much. As Harold Clurman coined them, these are my “fervent years”.

Written by Rachel Bailit