Living

07 Tuesday May 2013

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Day Three Hundred and Thirty Seven

I do extend an apology for all those who think that this valuable domain name is wasted on my work – I’m in partial agreement. Yes, there could be more activity on my Diary but I prefer to provide content that people will actually want to read rather than plentiful quantities of posts.

So… Aside from a multitude of voice over jobs and screen work I have done, I have taken the last couple of months to just, well, live.

For the past two years, my life has been one great tribute to the life of a wannabe actress; I quit drinking, I changed my diet, I became a workaholic, I embraced the ‘artistic torture’ of living a character and countless other things that resulted in nothing more than superficial vain attempts to spend time the way I thought I should be spending my time. The biggest thing missing was the actual living a life part.

My well of inspiration had been running pretty damn dry as of late. I couldn’t hold a conversation for very long without it steering into the performing arts and relating to film and television or screenplays and writing. I didn’t really enjoy socialising with anyone who wasn’t in the industry and anything that wasn’t directly related to my work was absolute second priority.

That’s no life to lead and I suspect that many of my peers are living that life themselves. It’s bloody awful. And exhausting. And a guaranteed way to insure that the very thing you desire will run away from you faster than you could ever hope of running after it.

For the last couple of months I’ve been acting like a care-free teenager and allowing myself to feel the incredible buzz of experiencing the unknown like never before. I’ve done things that I had written off as completely insane and not only enjoyed them but allowed myself to be inspired by them. The headmistress in my head who previously governed all of my actions, has herself let her hair down and is dancing half-naked on a nearby table.

Every single character that I am hired to portray requires a very full life to be lived behind it. I think I’ve lived 20 lives in the last two months. And I don’t regret a thing. I’ll take the ecstatic, the euphoric, the forbidden, the boring, the tedious and the painful because they are all a part of who I am and they all deserve to be lived in equal measure.

Take a break. Break away from everything. It’s unlimited inspiration.

P.S. I still don’t drink – I don’t need to.

The First Major High

06 Wednesday Feb 2013

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Day Two Hundred and Forty Eight

My first major commercial aired today and I wanted to document how great it felt to be recognised. I’ve had emails and texts from a few people who spotted my mug on TV and thought that it was pretty cool. So thanks.

With the constant plateaus and valley-depth lows, the highs make it all worth while.

The Lost Job.

03 Sunday Feb 2013

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Day Two Hundred and Forty Five

Argh. This is a hard one for me to write because it admits complete and utter failure and we all know how big my actress ego is. Right… here goes…

I lost a job last week down to utter stupidity and over preparation. It was a job with a director that I really really wanted to work with and I blew it. To save others from going through this same experience I will recall each detail which pushed me further and further away from getting the part.

The Call

I received the invite to audition and as usual, my brilliant agent attached the script, character breakdown and as much info as she possibly could. The part was a non speaking one in a commercial and more of a support to one of the leads and there was only one word that accompanied the character’s description (for example’s sake, let’s say it was “scared”). Now, when you receive a script and all you have is ONE word to work off (with no dialogue) considerable time is spent trying out different ways to deliver a performance centred around the only adjective you are given. Different degrees of “scared” accompanying actions, nervous habits to cover the fact she is scared… absolutely everything. With commercial acting final performances are what book the job, not experimenting, so it’s essential to come into the room with ideas. So I did my preparation.

The Audition

I arrived at the audition and was given an updated script to look at before I went in. It had evolved a little more than the one I was given but the word “scared” still remained, and it was still the only adjective given to describe the character. No dialogue, all as before.

I was called into the room.

I was then told to completely ignore the word “scared” and play her “fearlessly”. Not only did I have to play her fearlessly, but she had to make sure that she was talking more than the lead, who had all the lines, and actually talk over him. The audition went from a “script conscious” commercial audition, where every single piece of punctuation has been scrutinised by the marketing team, to a complete improvisation on an entirely new concept. Oh yeah, and 10 seconds before the camera rolled I was told to use a specific accent.

I did my best, which was by no means horrendous, but it was not a performance which would have booked the job. I’m a nit-picking perfectionist actress who is all about the details and I immensely disliked the fact that I gave such a raw, un-thoughtout, unplanned performance.

The Aftertaste

I admit I cried a little after the audition. Not for the fact that I didn’t book the job, but for the fact that I let thousands and thousands of hours of hard work dissolve in the space of a three minute audition.

I was not nervous, I came in with ideas; I researched the director, the casting director, the product, the company and all of the previous actors who had been associated with them.

I didn’t get stage fright and I didn’t do anything that was completely cringeworthy or shameful to my work. But I didn’t get it right either. To me, that is the equivalent of failure because a working actor’s real work is the audition process. The work is the perk of being an actor!

The Lesson

Expect the unexpected, plan for the unexpected and expect everything to be completely on the spot. If your original brief is what is asked of you then it’s a bonus.

I take my hat off to the actress that booked the job.

The ‘Tomorrow’ Generation

28 Friday Dec 2012

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Day Two Hundred and Eight,

I hope the festivities and holiday season brought a smile to your face. Whatever your age, there truly is magic to this time of year and I hope you got to experience it.

My post is inspired by this time of year and how there are so many of my peers who resort to turning their life around on a specific date: 1st January.

I’m somewhat curious as to what the meaning of this date is and why it seems to be the ignition for so many life changing efforts which have usually dissolved by February. The idea of turning one’s life around is always more thrilling than the actual act of executing the repeated efforts which are the true significance, and this needs no citation or confirmation. There is enough proof in society!

A life change is the sum of repeated efforts day in and day out and these efforts are a tally of occasions where you used your better judgement, and did something to aid you in your quest for success/love/fortune/fame etc. It is still astonishing to me how much hope is put onto one little date; a vow is taken at the beginning of the year and if you break your vow, or resolution, you join the millions of others who also fail in this unrealistic aspiration. By July, how many are still enthusiastic with their new habitual thinking?

I favour the unspectacular starts… the ones just happen and because you haven’t resolved to giving something up or doing something extra there is less pressure and success is a gradual realisation as opposed to a kickstarted effort.

Do yourself a favour and make no new year’s resolution; start RIGHT NOW.

The Bloodsucking Information Piggy-Backer

20 Tuesday Nov 2012

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Day One Hundred and Seventy.

Actors,

Staying ahead in the game is always important. Keeping your ears sharp about what’s going on and watching out for opportunities (and being prepared for those opportunities) is ‘The Business of Acting’ 101. However, this determination to know what’s going on spawns a breed of actor that very few want to have dealings with.

Yes, everyone knows one. The person whose eyes turn ‘shark black’ when you mention some good news, maybe a recent job you’ve landed. They barely acknowledge your success and immediately want to know how you got the gig, who’s on board, can they get in on it, the contact details of people involved and… here come the endless questions.

When a wonderful voice over contract fell into my lap and I told an actor that I know of my recent good fortune the first thing he said was, ‘Is it worth me sending my reel in?’ No, ‘congratulations’, ‘well done’ or ‘that’s great’, just straight to the point – What’s in it for him? Upsettingly when my client then asked me if I knew a great male voice over artist I didn’t contact him, even though he would have been perfect for it. I didn’t want to give someone a leg up who was already standing on my shoulders.

We are all determined, we are all struggling but my God, it’s NOT ALL ABOUT YOU YOU YOU.

I now understand why agents, casting directors, producers, directors, writers and everyone else that we have to work with get so sick of us. We are like vermin who follow them around and thrust our resumes into their faces at any opportunity we get. Great work speaks for itself, concentrate on creating great work so you don’t have to wave your arms and shout ‘me me me’.

Lesson: If someone you know lands a big break, be genuinely happy for them. They did it themselves and it’s something to be extremely proud of. Your day will come if you work and prepare for that opportunity, and spend your energy bettering yourself. Those of us who are becoming established have made our contacts one by one and learned all the things we learned one by one. Don’t be that energy drainer because no one will want you around.

The Psychological Hurdle

20 Saturday Oct 2012

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Day One Hundred and Forty

In the spirit of honesty and openness to be used to the reader’s advantage please forgive the free use of the personal pronoun. It is used to describe an experience which I believe to be a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ situation. If anyones finds themselves in a moment of despair, it is here for your reference as a reminder that if I can do it, you can do it.

Catch Up

It has been an eventful month, all positive with hard work finally paying off. In short my achievements include booking a Jamie Oliver Ident, getting 3 final recalls, my first LA Skype audition, and landing a great part in a play; That Strange Kind of Passion, which will run for 3 weeks from the 16th November at the Calder Bookshop Theatre. Great little venue. (plug!)

The Hurdle

Aside from the work trickling in, I’ve seen a drastic change in my attitude towards myself which has paid off immensely and has also inspired my entry today: The Psychological Hurdle.

My ‘hurdle’ was my body. It wasn’t cooperating with me because I hadn’t been cooperating with it for a very long time. As soon as harmony prevailed the floodgates opened and there were no more excuses or reasons, and the results I’ve always desired started coming to me. When fear is removed the reasons to not try are also removed.

What you do ‘off the clock’ will drastically affect how you are able to handle yourself ‘on the clock’. As Stellar Adler famously said, ‘Your talent is in your choices.’ Without exercising extreme self-control in the areas you want to change, disappointment becomes your shadow and follows you everywhere.

The Change

12 weeks ago I embarked on a new lifestyle choice; I completely changed my lifestyle to change the one thing that was bothering me; my body. After 27 years of not treating it with the utmost respect and love it deserved, it responded by not corresponding.

As my body has slowly changed into a lean, responsive, flexible and happy vessel I noticed that my attitude towards everything else also changed. I had proved to myself that I am capable of combating deeply ingrained habits and if I can do that I can do anything.

The psychology behind feeling comfortable in your own skin is such an art and I truly believe that leaders of industry have self confidence in absolutely everything they do.

The Lesson

I wanted to communicate this with you today because if you are not achieving the level of success you desire, then you have your own psychological hurdle that is stopping you. It could be debt, a relationship, an less-than-ideal living situation, lack of funds anything… they are all the same thing; an accumulation of negativity that you are placing excuses upon.

I can guarantee that if you chipped away at your problem, think marathon and not sprint, you will also psychologically be chipping away at your own negative hurdles and before you know it they will disappear. And it’s liberating.

It’s time to make a choice; what’s more important to you? The immediate tiny reward or the huge payout waiting for you down the line?

Self Confidence Formula

17 Monday Sep 2012

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I wanted to share this amazing extract from one of my favourite books by Napoleon Hill; The Law of Success. Whilst the book was written in the 1930s a lot of the principles still apply to today’s society and I believe that if we all adopted the below formula we would be capable of achieving anything:

SELF CONFIDENCE FORMULA

FIRST: I know that I have the ability to achieve the object of my DEFINITE PURPOSE, therefore I DEMAND of myself persistent, aggressive and continuous action toward its attainment.

SECOND: I realize that the dominating thoughts of my mind eventually reproduce themselves in outward, bodily action, and gradually transform themselves into physical reality, therefore I will concentrate my mind for thirty minutes daily upon the task of thinking of the person I intend to be, by creating a mental picture of this person and then transforming that picture into reality through practical service.

THIRD: I know that through the principle of Autosuggestion, any desire that I persistently hold in my mind will eventually seek expression through some practical means of realising it, therefore I shall devote ten minutes daily to demanding of myself the development of the factors names in the sixteen lessons of this Reading Course on the Law of Success.

FOURTH: I have clearly mapped out and written down a description of my DEFINITE PURPOSE in life, for the coming five years. I have set a price on my services for each of these five years; a price that I intend to earn and receive, through strict application of the principle of efficient, satisfactory service which I will render in advance.

FIFTH: I fully realise that no wealth or position can long endure unless built upon truth and justice, therefore I WILL ENGAGE IN NO TRANSACTION WHICH DOES NOT BENEFIT ALL WHOM IT AFFECTS. I will succeed by attracting to me the forces I wish to use, and the co-operation of other people. I WILL INDUCE OTHERS TO SERVE ME BECAUSE I WILL FIRST SERVE THEM. I will eliminate hatred, envy, jealousy, selfishness, and cynicism by developing love for all humanity because I know that a negative attitude toward others can never bring me success. I will cause others to BELIEVE IN ME because I will believe in them and in myself.

Such amazingly beautiful and fair words which have become my own personal mission statement.

Closer.

26 Sunday Aug 2012

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I can assure you that my acting skills are far better than my diary-keeping skills! Apologies for the long pauses between posts… My intention is to document as much as I can however time has been spread somewhat thinly for me.

This past month has been a month of immense changes, all positive, and some serious learning curves. Again, all positive. It has been a month of making it to recalls, final twos, fourth rounds of auditions and however close fate tempts to dangle a bone in front of me.

Not booking the jobs can always been seen as a negative, but scientifically it’s an opportunity to rewire circuits that need improvement. I can compare it hugely to a video game level you just can’t quite pass despite your best efforts… you need just that one little improvement and slightly faster skill to make through.

That’s what I’m working on. The fact that I am making it to recalls means I’m doing something right, and I’m about to do something better.

Lessons to share:

Think ‘American’. The actors over the pond have their skills honed more than us Brits do, and it’s them we are competing with for international jobs. Let’s raise the bar a little.

The only other thing that I can stress is confidence. If you don’t think you are capable of doing the job then no one else will. The industry is not a place for students who are eager to learn and earn brownie points with casting directors/directors, they want someone who is going to create art. Can someone make money out of the art you are creating?

Industrial Poetry.

20 Friday Jul 2012

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To the reader,

Many a lesson learned have I,
With a heavy heart and hopeful eyes,
I declare myself allowed to cry:-
Cry I may for all the compromise.

My chosen profession has no patience,
It doesn’t have either logic or sense.
Although it has taken me as a patient
I have not surrendered my essence.

Another audition failed, another test,
I have not passed and I tried,
With all my heart I tried my best
A technique overdeveloped with pride.

A promise I made to myself (and broke),
To change the way I do and think;
To become a creature more bespoke
So much so it has pushed me to the brink…

Of waste?
Or success?

You the reader, are my haste,
To attempt to impress.

And empower I endeavour to do,
Be it entertainment or truth.
The story is straight from me to you,
The payment has been my youth.

-Taya Hayley De La Cruz

The Night Before…

12 Thursday Jul 2012

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The eve before a big audition makes one feel somewhat nervous.

I’ve prepared a cracking song, the speech is dead letter perfect and I’ve read the play more times than I would care to admit.

But it will all go out the window if I don’t handle myself well for 15 short minutes. The song has been sung about 40 times today, the speech is on loop inside my head, I know the character well and everything leading up until this moment… But when that heartbeat starts; it’s the biggest obstacle to compete with.

Wish me luck.

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